Thursday, January 29, 2009

Relationship pitfalls

I am lucky to be in a 3 year relationship with Niki which is the most amazing experience I ever had in my life. It is a relationship that is loving and offering us tremendous growth. I am glad that it is her as I believe if it is any other; it may not be as fulfilling as this. Thank you baby for being in my life. It has been hell lot of fun. ^o^

I will like to share problems which we faced along the path and I believe these are the main 3 pitfalls which will cause a relationship to fail. It took us a lot of time sharing our feelings and understanding each other to get out of it. I believe that it is crucial for people in relationship to be aware of them as many fail not knowing why.

Trust will be lost if one of the parties lied in regardless of what reasons. Please do not start giving me excuses that there are moments which you definitely have to lie. It is seriously bullshit in my sense. It is a lie not matter good or bad. Everyone has the right to know the truth even if they are unable to accept it at the moment. How can one expect to maintain a relationship if the trust element is broken. It is the same as having a business relationship. If given a choice, will you actually want to work with someone that has lied to you before? And believe me, once started, there will be a second and a third and a fourth as we loved to justify ourselves. What is a white lie and what is not? Who draws the line except the one who makes them?

The best is to tell the truth about everything. If two are to get together, I believe that there should not be any skeleton hidden in the closet. To me it is just too tiring and difficult to keep on deceiving. To cover one lie, one will need another. It is just never ending.

Ah… one that created hell for lots of couples. Examples like expecting the person to be there, do this for you, change for you and even die for you as a proof for their love for you. My friends… this is insanity. Expectation at best only brings agony to both the expector and the one being expected. When the other can’t fulfill the expectation, you will start assuming they don’t love you enough.

Everyone has their own language of love. Some may be physical, while others may be gift-giving. It is just different expression. Real Love is actually about taking the other totally for who they are.

Wake up! Love is not about expectation. Love is unconditional. Expectation makes love conditional which is nothing more than a manipulation. Love is about accepting the person as who they are totally. No requirements. Nothings need to be done. I often wonder why two persons get into a relationship expecting the other to change. Is it because they don’t know each other in the first place? Or is it because they think they can change the other to their liking. Isn’t it easier if they just find one that fits all their criteria…. Why makes life so hard for each other.

It is only though unconditional love which one can really grow. It is also where you start to be gladful of their being. How wonderfully unique and cute they are. Without expectation, everyday is a surprise when they do something for you. ^_^
Here is a beautiful story about love.

Judging using past experience

A lot of misunderstanding arises when one party uses past experience to assume how the other party will react now. This is nothing further than the truth. We are all changing. A person can change within 1 year, 1 month or even 1 day. Most of us are constantly learning and growing.

Pre-assumption will prevent one from seeing the real reason. How can I expect to see blue if I had already put on a pair of red lens? I had once assumed Niki to be angry due to jealously of me going to meet other girls due to past history. But she was actually unhappy as she had planned to spend the holiday with me. How different is the underlying reason between the two.

So please don’t be like me. Please avoid using past history to assume reaction. Assume makes an ASS of U n ME. It is best to clarify the reason and no lens on. Believe me, it will be an enriching experience.

That’s all for now folks. Wish you well in your relationships.

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