Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Fear of Future

Yesterday while was impatiently waiting for 136 to Niki's house i had some reflection abt what am i feeling at that time. It occurs to me that a lot of negative feeling happen due to the fear of future. Example, dreading of going Niki's house due to possibilities of boredom over there, the need to wake up earlier and travel longer. However all these are actually not true, its just an uneasiness of getting out of comfort zone.

There are much i can bring and do at her home.I enjoyed running there also and waking up earlier can be compromise with just sleeping early. It dont really matters. Another example is calling vendors, the anxiety and procrastination kick in with the fear of not getting the messages across or sounding stupid. Interesting that we had so many fears which go beyond our conscious thoughts.

From CWG Book 1

"You are not here to discover who you are, You are here to create who you are" - God

Monday, April 23, 2007

Law of Attraction

Ever since i had learnt about Law of Attraction, things just come to me whether i did it conciously or subconsciously. In the Law of Attraction, everything you think about, you attract. Be it a relationship, a car accident, a crisis and even a bus that is late. Its all our responsibility. Let me quote from Deepak Chopra, "There is no Out-There"
Whether you believe or not, its the truth.

Let me give you 2 of my recent personal experience, not to mention quite a ton non recent ones.
1st one is about Jill Lore International. About 3 weeks ago, Yuanwei went for her grooming session and was sharing with me how good. There i was thinking sounds cool, if only i can go for it too. That thought was actually made subconsciously and i just get to know there this friday, my company actually had this training schedule for us with Jill Lore on "Projecting a Professional Image" haha wonder huh?

2nd experience is on the topic "Discipline". I was thinking on how to train mine(even blogged it down) and this blog http://zenhabits.net/2007/03/discipline-is-illusion-motivate/ just comes to me. Believe me, i didn't even went searching for it.
In short. it works whether im consciously thinking about it or not

Ways to get out of bed

Woke up today as usual with an urge to hog back into my seductive bed. Thats where i put what i learnt so far into use. 1st thing to counter the urge - get out of the bed and stop thinking/looking at it. 2nd things start some warm-up, for me, to be more effective i even did 15 pumping and situps. Aim is to get ur body temperature up and start sweating. you sweat, you defeat the urge.
I had also started a new regimen for the preparing of my IPPT, most of all a healthy body. Beside jogging, i had improvised pumping(start with 15) and situps(start with 20). Moderation is the key to building habits and keeping a healthy lifestyle ^_^

From CWG Book 1

"If I dont live from Within, I live Without" - God

Thursday, April 19, 2007

From Knight in Rusty Armor

" I dont expect, I accept" - Rabbit


Yesterday,i admitted to my teacher colleague that i had lied to her on the task which i didn't do for her. During the conversation, she remarked that im like a student. Didn't know what she is implying exactly. To me its the right word to describe me. Im a student in learning honesty, a student in learning discipline, a student in learning responsibility, a student in learning consciousness, Im a student learning.
I have decided to live on the truth.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

@ the Pool

During my stand-in duty @ the pool. One thought comes to my mind. As ppl always say JCs are easier to teach than Sec and Sec are easier to teach than Primary. Reasons being they had became more mature and ask less questions. Is that the case? what does mature implies? say yes more?ask less question? It seems that mature ppl are the one who are more down to earth. survive, no dreams,less questions,less trys. Does it mean that the older you are in the education or life, you ask less questions? is it due to we know the answers or it just that we dont dare/wont care to ask anymore.
Hmm ponders ponders


Woke up in the morning tinking maybe i should go running tonite instead. and when i pulled myself to the door, i start thinking i shouldnt run with that 69.90 shoes, wait for the army shoes. Thats when i learn that i have little ounce of discipline inside me. Come to think of it, i dont really understand discipline nor do i train or embrace it. Which brings me to the light that i had not master much things in my life due to the lack of it.
Today shall be the day which i start learning what discipline is all about.
Jogging every morning and 1 hour of reading on things i wanna master everynite shall be the start of the journey to learn.
Discipline.I shall be your disciple. I will embrace you. I will master You. This I Swear To MYSELF. Assist me, Andrewson ^_^

From My VP

VP came to find me today, through he went ard the bushes, basically hes impling that im had not been doing my work fast enuff especially tasks he gave me. At 1st i kept finding ways to defend myself. Be it lying, be it overstating what i had done, be it excuses, at the end of it.. I dont feel good about myself. I know deep in there that im the one not doing my work. My VP had been super nice to me and therefore i had been taking to for granted. Anything he gave me, most of the time i will feel that its not as urgent as other things(which is an excuse actually i just afraid of getting more work to myself by doing what he tasked). Till today, i can see the disappointment on his face. Becoz its the second time i delayed his task already.
Thanks to the meeting we had today, i finally know what's priority and responsibility.

Priority means doing the right thing fast and first. Things like, jobs given by P and VP, do it first. this can actually implied to the four quadant i learnt before, important level and critical level. they go into the important and critical.
Its also time to take on what i should do instead of avoiding the work. Nvr test my limit, i will nvr know or learn how to cope. the fear factor. Anyway i had been spending sometime reading comic now and then. if i have those time it means i can work also.
Day to start afresh. Thank you Andrew(VP) !!!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Dinner outing @ Ms Clarity

Organized this dinner with (Rou,John,CW,Jessie n Joan) @ this cafe called Ms Clarity. Its @ pulvis street just opposite Bras Pasar. During our journey there on 147, a commotion happened where an uncle was scolding the bus driver non-stop. from my guess the uncle was unable to pay the bus fare and he became aggressive coz of it. There starts his verbal abusing.After abt 5 mins, unrestness starts to form about the passengers. Some start shouting shutup, some say to each other ask him to get off the bus, some starts pitying the driver but however the thing is no one dares to go up to make him stop even me. Y? fear of getting hurt, fear of losing face if no other helps n fear of trouble. How will i react differently? How will a counselor react in this situation. On the other hand, thanks to the ppl who gathered together to make noise and scare him off, the driver was saved ^_^. As for the questions, need to ponder on it.

Ps. Dun ever go to Ms Clarity @ nite. the wait will exhaust your Will and heart. And if you are looking for a place to chill also.. dun go there.. its as noisy as a rock band concert

Reflection of self

An interesting topic to think about since it seems to surround my life recently.
Show and books like "The Secret", Conversation with God, Demartini, Vitaloe, Steve Pavlina and to-date therapeutic Counseling

What does the title means? In short, it means that everyone is a reflection of ourselves.
to explain further, its saying that every relationship we have, be it with a lover,a relative,a friend,an enemy,a dog or anything is just a mean to know more about ourselves. What you are saying to others is actually what you wanna say to yourself. For instance, I always tell my girl to exercise and to stay healthy, im actually saying that to myself. When she dun listen, i feel angry but actually not at her, its to myself for not listening to me. Most of the time i grow frustrated with ppl who dare not step out of their comfort zones but deep inside am i frustrated with myself for not daring enuff to venture? yes i do.

Interesting abt reflection is that it goes in both polarity.what you dun like abt others = what you dun like abt yourself. its also goes saying what you like about others = what you like about yourself. hahaha. do you feel so too?

Monday, April 16, 2007

Self-help Junkies

Was reading steve's blog on self-help junkies and it actually hit me quite alot. Questions go in my mind on "Am I.... Am i not.... am i..." Well fact is that i am. Did the knowledge i gained so far was put into any use? not much of the reality side. So changes maybe... hug my mum, say i love u.. but isnt thats all? Im a boast and more of a person who preach but dun do what he preaches.Preach healthy lifestyle to ppl and my baby, but i dun exercise myself. Preach John n others to follow their heart n go for their dream, im making an excuse that i dunnoe my dream yet. Preach abt cooking, most i teach i havent cooked it before. Even the dishes i declare which i cook werent true. I just want ppl to be impressed by me. how will i reply if they ever ask what have you done before.

Sometimes i even lied abt what i have done or i have not. Friends still just a little. "Name me your friends", my answer will be "John, CW, Max(feel guilty of leavin him out in Usana), Weijun(dont contact much), colleagues and girls? none. woah realli not much huhs... then i will go, good friend one or two can already..Tts just an excuse, im too lazy to maintain relationships.

What to do after knowing
I want some reality to manifest in my life.
Lets start with the most basic. Physical. Wake up every bi-morning for a jog. starting from tomolo. Make a conscious effort keep myself healthy by eating the right food and regular intake of vegetables and fruits. 2 vege n one meat for mixed vegetables rice. bring fruit to work everyday. Theme of my life. Conscious effort. Stay conscious

-Ps learnt one thing from job today. When comes to money especially big sum. confirm their decision with penalties incurred when cancel. Make them think twice before anyhow signing on.